Dear Elisha,

This day has finally come. It's your wedding day. Part of me never thought we'd get to where you are. I'm glad that we did. I have a couple things:

One, remember that today is not the most important or interesting day in your marriage. There will be days that will be vastly more interesting like the day when your husband gets sick and pukes everywhere and you have to take care of things or the day things try to tear you apart. Today you make promises but those are the days you keep those promises. As far as I can tell, marriage is about the everyday. You have someone on your team every day. It's you two against the world. Don't waste time going up against him. There is no hill important enough to fight and die on. "But the pleasure isn't owning the person. The pleasure is this. Having another contender in the room with you." Phillip Roth. I want you to always remember that. He is on your team. You don't own him but he is part of your team.

I know you've wanted this for a long time and I'm really glad it's happening but I never want you to forget what it felt like to be single and feel like you were never going to find this person that you are going to marry today.

Two, don't you dare forget the people who loved you and helped you to get to this day. Don't be like Tanner and Bailey and completely ignore everyone else in your life. Marriage is important and that relationship deserves a lot of your time and attention but it's not the only important relationship. Your relationship with your family and friends are also important. Don't you forget the people who loved you into the woman you are today.

Marriages I really admire:

President and Sister Rowley

Hermano Marcos and Hermana Rebeca

John and Sarah Green

Garrett and Sara Wilkes

Ben Wyatt and Leslie Knope (fictional but very real)

Chip and Joanna Gaines

Jake and Amy

Chelsea and Bryce

Gabe and Lauren

Elisha, I think things are going to be okay. It's difficult to say because I am coming the long way round. I hope he is wonderful and kind. I hope that he brings you joy and that he will do all he can to build a life with you. I hope he's strong in all the good ways and vulnerable in all the good ways. I hope that he's balanced. I hope you're balanced, too.

Take a look at the women who are by your side. They have been there through the bad times and they have loved you. They have stayed because they love you. Naomi, Amy, Mackenzie, Janea, Lauren, Chelsea, Alyssa, Frankie, Allyse, Adri, Orma. That includes women who aren't physically present but are always by your side: Camila, Sheyla, Flordelis, Daiiana, Elizabeth, Grace, Anyi, Ceila. They are part of you. They are your sisters. You have your actual sisters too. Megan and Becky. They will always be there. Remember what these women have done to lift you up. Also remember that they are by your side because you have done things to lift them up. Not to inflate your ego but to remember that this is a relationship of equals. You love them and they love you. It's beautiful.

I am glad you have gotten here. I will follow and I'll make it eventually. I'll probably be late but it will be okay.


Love from the long way round,

ElishaDear Elisha, This day has finally come. It's your wedding day. Part of me never thought we'd get to where you are. I'm glad that we did. I have a couple things: One, remember that today is not the most important or interesting day in your marriage. There will be days that will be vastly more interesting like the day when your husband gets sick and pukes everywhere and you have to take care of things or the day things try to tear you apart. Today you make promises but those are the days you keep those promises. As far as I can tell, marriage is about the everyday. You have someone on your team every day. It's you two against the world. Don't waste time going up against him. There is no hill important enough to fight and die on. "But the pleasure isn't owning the person. The pleasure is this. Having another contender in the room with you." Phillip Roth. I want you to always remember that. He is on your team. You don't own him but he is part of your team. I know you've wanted this for a long time and I'm really glad it's happening but I never want you to forget what it felt like to be single and feel like you were never going to find this person that you are going to marry today. Two, don't you dare forget the people who loved you and helped you to get to this day. Don't be like Tanner and Bailey and completely ignore everyone else in your life. Marriage is important and that relationship deserves a lot of your time and attention but it's not the only important relationship. Your relationship with your family and friends are also important. Don't you forget the people who loved you into the woman you are today. Marriages I really admire: President and Sister Rowley Hermano Marcos and Hermana Rebeca John and Sarah Green Garrett and Sara Wilkes Ben Wyatt and Leslie Knope (fictional but very real) Chip and Joanna Gaines Jake and Amy Chelsea and Bryce Gabe and Lauren Elisha, I think things are going to be okay. It's difficult to say because I am coming the long way round. I hope he is wonderful and kind. I hope that he brings you joy and that he will do all he can to build a life with you. I hope he's strong in all the good ways and vulnerable in all the good ways. I hope that he's balanced. I hope you're balanced, too. Take a look at the women who are by your side. They have been there through the bad times and they have loved you. They have stayed because they love you. Naomi, Amy, Mackenzie, Janea, Lauren, Chelsea, Alyssa, Frankie, Allyse, Adri, Orma. That includes women who aren't physically present but are always by your side: Camila, Sheyla, Flordelis, Daiiana, Elizabeth, Grace, Anyi, Ceila. They are part of you. They are your sisters. You have your actual sisters too. Megan and Becky. They will always be there. Remember what these women have done to lift you up. Also remember that they are by your side because you have done things to lift them up. Not to inflate your ego but to remember that this is a relationship of equals. You love them and they love you. It's beautiful. I am glad you have gotten here. I will follow and I'll make it eventually. I'll probably be late but it will be okay. Love from the long way round, Elisha

Posted 8 years ago